Jul. 7th, 2011

rensong: (Independence Day)
Took a nap when I got back from Marshfield because I was tired and hey, two and a half hours before I had to head back into town. As someone who didn't fall asleep until 1 or 2 last night, this seemed like a good deal.

Now, it used to be that when I napped, I didn't actually fall asleep. I kinda got into a Zone where I was totally aware and conscious of my surroundings, but like an Out Of Body Experience, I had no control over them (like if I tried to turn the radio off, it kept right on playing. I won't say "my hand passed right through!" because even in the Zone, I still felt myself go through the motions and make contact with the power button, it just didn't work). In the Zone was also the closest I got to a wet dream, because it's like I had a more direct route to the lobe of my brain I could feel and experience the touch sensation with. No cute boys to nail, alas, but if I was in the Zone and I *knew* I was in the Zone (which wasn't always because it felt so much like Real Life, I'd often go right on moving through my day because I thought I was awake... until I tried to actually interact with someone or something), about 80% of the time I could convince my body (or at least the KindaDream Body I had in the Zone) that it was feeling something really really good. The downside to this being it was really hard to wake myself up if I decided I'd had enough feeling for the day, kaythanxbye, but as a sense version of "Whatever you do, don't picture a white elephant in boxer shorts with pink hearts on them!", of course, you immediately think of a white elephant in boxer shorts with pink hearts on them. I would go "Okay, hey, nuff feeling stuff, can I get up now?" ... which resulted in more feeling stuff and being unable to wake up until my subconscious decided it had enough fun for now and I woke up naturally. Usually not a big deal, but unfortunately, there have been many occasions where the Zone was a less pleasant place - like when it takes some innocent, every-day sound and turns it into a terrifying nightmare. For example, the night when I was maybe 15 and we had a nice friendly summer storm roll through with a few growls of thunder and some half-hearted lightning, but in my head, the storm was all loud noise and constant lightning and it only kept getting worse and it never passed, it just kept getting stronger until I was pretty convinced the house was going to blow apart around me. No amount of subconscious screaming or dream-thrashing, begging the Powers that Be to "*Let me GO*, I want to wake up!!!!" seemed to work, and it seemed like forever before I was able to wake up. *Usually* the Zone can be fun if I know I'm dreaming, but sometimes it is a right sick bastard, too.

Anyway, the last few years I have noticed that while I still hit the Zone when I nap, it is like I got a little deeper into it and it is more dream and less just feeling. The sense of touch is still there and very real, but it is paired with Dream People and/or Dream Situations that are enough like Real Life to kind of throw me off. Usually there is some kind Dream Clue that gives away the fact that yeah, I'm actually dreaming, but I really have to be paying attention. On the flip side of that, though, once I know I'm dreaming? I can manipulate my dream a bit, just like you sometimes can in normal, wacky, No-way-is-this-real-so-you-might-as-well-enjoy-it dreams.

This nap around, I didn't know I was dreaming until I got into my car and tried to go to work, only to discover that holy crap, my car had NO BRAKES. Tried the emergency brake... didn't work. Tried the parking brake... kinda worked, but not enough and I was still moving enough to knock into my mom's Toyota Celica that was parked next to the house and send it off into the field, but at least I finally came to a stop. Had I been paying attention, the fact that I rear-ended my mom's Toyota in the back yard - where as in Real Life, the Celica is parked in our drive way and our back yard is full of stuff that would make parking there a bit of a challenge - should've clued me in, but nope, I was pretty convinced it was real.

That said, I was kinda panicky because, yeah, my car had no breaks and I had just rear-ended mom's. Since I was happily no longer moving, I jumped out to go check on the Toyota to see if there was any damage. Along the way, I lost my sandal in the dirt and went and stepped on something poky, which hurt just like it would've in real life, and I curse and mutter a bit because ow, stepping on poky plants (I think it was a thistle) hurts like a sob. However, it was enough that at this point I was starting to think "Ow, dammit, can this be a dream now?" I still wasn't entirely sure, but I was kinda leaning in that direction.

Then, the final piece of the puzzle that made me go "no way this is real" - a fat guy and a skinny guy in what kinda looked like a stretch limo driving through our back yard toward me with Intent To Kidnap. No one is going to fit a stretch limo in our back yard, much less maneuver the thing around all easy-peasy. So I think "Hmm... me thinks I'm dreaming. So, hey subconscious, instead of these guys coming to grab me for nefarious purposes, how about they just stop and pick up someone else? Kinda like glorified taxi drivers - no nefariousness allowed" and go figure, that is exactly what they do. They maneuver this massive vehicle around in our tiny back yard, some random Dream Person gets in the back (older woman with short, blond, kinda Sherily Temple hair) *just* like she would if it was a taxi she called to take her somewhere, and they drive off. Shady, nefarious mob-like characters totally avoided!

With that success in mind, I start walking toward our garage for whatever reason, and I think "Okay, so if I'm *really* dreaming, can I get a cute guy to come put his arm around me?" Few seconds later, a cute guy comes and kind of does a tackle-hug from behind and says kinda sarcastically (and with a Russian accent. Go figure) "Cute boy, arm around your shoulder, huh? This good enough? How about if I tickle you, too," and I laugh because he does, in fact, start being obnoxious and annoying try to tickle me. I can feel the weight of his arm around my shoulders, and his pointy index finger digging into my ribs (just like I tend to do with all of my friends, because I am not ticklish so it is harder for them to give me payback, but it doesn't stop them from trying), and I'm thinking this is kind of awesome.

There is more hugging and snark, but it isn't super clear now that the bits of dream are kind of wafting away on the subconscious breeze now that I am awake, but I do recall thinking that hey, maybe I'll actually be able to manipulate the dream in order to get lucky this time because Cute Russian Boyfriend seems to read my mind (and snark on my thoughts) quite readily, and I go on to hope that there is still time to make the attempt before the alarm I set to wake me in time for work goes off... which, sadly, leads me to start hearing and alarm-like sound in the distance (one of those damn "Don't think of the white elephant!" kind of things) and I go "dammit, whhhhyyyyyy?" all whiny and stuff because I was SO CLOSE, DAMMIT, but knowing Alarm most likely means Leave For Work Soon Or Risk Being Late, I start to try and struggle toward wakefulness... and I fail. Now I'm starting to panic because, hey, subconscious, we need to go to work! No work means now pay means no money for gas or food, so GET UP ALREADY, but my subconscious was having nothing of it. I stop struggling and fall back fully into the Zone, and Cute Russian Boyfriend is there waiting and says something like "Welcome back. I thought you had to work?" and I say "I do, but I can't wake up! Any chance you can help with that?" and the next thing I know, I am awake. Like, for real, I'm AWAKE, back in the Real World, and I sit up, rub my eyes that are still kinda sleep-bleery and say, out loud, "Wow, thanks."

Then I notice the clock and it's *only* 4:00 pm, which means I still had *half an hour* before I had to get up, and the Alarm in the dream was just some dirty subconscious trick. At the risk of sounding duel personality, I'm pretty sure my subconscious is conspiring against my conscious to keep me from getting a laid, even in my dreams. Anyway, in the dimming hopes of ever seeing Cute Russian Boyfriend (who, come to think of it, did kinda look like an older, less gangly Checkov from the newest Star Trek movie) again because my dreams are never really the same, I also add a "Feel free to come visit any time!" out loud into to the emptiness of my room with the hope that maybe he'll hear me in the Zone and we can finish were we left off. My hopes for that particular opportunity are slim to none, but I have to at least *try*, right?

Now, though, I really do have to leave for work because it took me more than a half hour to write this all out.

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February 2012

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